If Only I Had The Nerve, To Put My Feelings Into Words...

This is a list of the girls who actually meant something to me in my life. This is what i want to say to them but can't say to their faces.No particular order.
Still more to come =].
Try to guess who you are.

1.idk WHERE to start. your were my everything(IDK WHY!). keyword were. we did everything together. i felt like i could tell u anything n just be myself around you. When I met you i didnt think i was gonna fall for you but it happened or at least i thought it did(never really did). My mistake was i tried to make u wifey.took me time to realize..YOUR ASS AINT WIFEY TYPE!..now i've changed and your still stuck in the past. lmao as long as i was with you..i never really liked you. sorry. actually no im not..im not gon say sorry for the way i feel.only thing im sorry for is stayin wit your dumb ass.i TRUELY regret meeting you.
p.s. you wont make it..i promise you.

2. I liked u OD. ur sooo funny crackin jokes on you kno who and just chillin. but wen u heard i was talkin to another girl u became skeptical about us but still stayed =]. after we broke up i thought we still had a chance and had high hopes for us then u go mess with my best friend!!! and mess it all up.i still love u bud =]

3. You were the BEST gf i ever had even though u were the WORST gf i ever had. we were so different and thats why i think i liked you so much. I defenitly learned so much from you. you put me onto rock songs and fashion and all that lol. Meetin u at the park was fun and even though u always thought i was cheatin."Yes, Johmir exes can be friends" well you told me a lie cause look at us now..we dont even talk anymore. even though it started bad went bad and ended bad i never regreted one second of being with you.


5. Met you last fall through my then gf and i liked you but never told anyone, besides you were kinda talkin to my best friend. didnt hear from you all year until the summer then we started "talkin". you would always send mixed signals first you wanna be with me you tell ur friends we go out then u tell me we're just friends w.e. During the fall i would see you every chance i get, drive all the way out of town just to spend time with you i had alot of hope for us i thought we coulda had something special. and im STILL tryin with u..even countin all the times u rejected me. STOP CONFUSIN ME!!!! we gotta go to coldstone again =]


6.Met you last year in the summer but started talkin to u in the fall...if that bat didnt come in my room i woulda never met u lmao hahaha. i liked you alot even though i always said i wouldnt ever like your type.i thought everything was good then i get "johmir its over" i was so heartbroken lmao. still to this day i dont kno why you broke up with me that day but w.e.you got mad wen u heard i was talkin to a girl in ur school but we broke up so why were u upset? anyway thanks for everything...not to mention you did save my life =] i owe u


7. i was od shy to meet you at school but i would always stare at you. then i get home one day n u messaged me on myspace i had the biggest smile ever lmao. you were od weird just like me i think thats wat i liked about you most. you were so funny " johmir i wanna be a garbage person...no deadass they make guap!" lmao hahahah. you came over my house after school one time n u were od BORING! so i cursed you out hahaha then u broke up wit me =[ but we were still cool im sad u moved though...and im really sorry about your brother.


8. you were the BEST ever. always smokin blunts wit you and you would always feed me snacks lmao haha. n ur mom came n i told her i knew u through ur sister HAHA... i didnt wanna get u in trouble wat would ur mom think of a 20 year old messin wit a 17 year old lol.you had the cutest kids ever! lol. your friends are od crazy. playing truth or dare that one time was CRAZY!!!! i didnt think ud kiss me wen u got dared to =] it seemed good then u stopped messin wit me cause i was too young? lmao haha.


9.u were my first real realationship. back in the day 8th grade. people would always be like "johmir why u with her?" idk why i liked u so much but i did. a year and some change together and u cheat on me over the summer while i was on vacation...left me heartbroken =[. your the reason why i am the "player" i am today u made me think all girls were like you. that id get cheated on regardless so i might as well cheat to. thank u!

10. your STILL shy after all this time!!!over the summer it was like u were scared to just say hi lmao. but u were the reason i got up every morning...i actually looked forward to summer school just to chill wit u for those 5 minutes between classes.
i always wanted a jamaican gf n u were the closest thing i had to that lmao. ur amazing! we had soooo much in common it was kinda scary lol.
WHAT HAPPENED TO US?!?!
p.s. you made me realize that materalistic girls can have hearts. =]


11. lookin in the fridge i turn around i see u n once me made eye contact we had a instant connection lmao haha. i felt like i could tell u ANYTHING n i was comfortable with you cause it was like you understood. we had alot in common too we both liked phineas & ferb =]. you was od fun,walkin to golden crust to get beef patties =] or just chillin watchin dora lmao. too bad u had to end it over some dumb shit. =[

12. double dates with u chris n the other one, fun central, goin to ur house watchin movies on the couch =] that summer was the best. stayin on the phone with you from 11 til like 7 in the morning. then i have to get up for summer school lmao. i jus wish i coulda acted more mature..acted the age i said i was lmao..i should never said i was 15 hahaha. that lasagna was the best ever!i really regret never makin my move...but like you said everything happens for a reason.

13. motherfucker!!!!met u 2 years ago. got ur number. called cause ur concert got canceled. and dont remember a word that was said during that 3 hour conversation lol. why we stop talkin?! well good thing we met again..even if it did take 2 years lmao. we both wanted to chill with eachother for the wrong reasons but once we actually did it was amazing! =]. I felt like i met the girl version of me.we think so much alike! i liked u regardless of wat i heard. pb n j sandwiches! :). n meetin ur mom! lmao!!! good times. ur od special to me. but lemme stop spreadin your business before u shoot me on my way to ur house on that cliff. lmao.. yes the police will find out u did it!


14. I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! i have NEVER been in a relationship with SOOOOO many problems. WTF! is wrong wit u?! ur a little bit too smart for your own good. but anyway...im not gonna lie and say its all bad..cause wen things are good theyre FUCKIN AMAZING lol. but i must really like u. i dont give girls chances like i did u. they got one n if they fuck up i leave em..but i guess there was something special about you.its about to be 5 months now and i still dont know what that special thing is or why i love you. but i do know that i do love u.i really do.EVERYBODY! would ask " yo why u mees wit her?! shes too this or shes too that" I DIDNT CARE!!!!!!!!!!. but it seems to me like shit i do isnt good enough anymore...like u dont feel the same way anymore.well im to the point where i dont even know what to do anymore. do i move on and forget about u? do i stay with u and just endure all the bullshit we go through? IDK! and your not helpin me either..in fact u just make it worse.who knows..maybe we're not meant to be together considering the fact we're always breakin up for dumb ass reasons every other day. i swear we spend more time arguin and broke up then we actually do together and going out. u put me through mad shit. i think thats wat made me like u more though..the fact that u didnt make it easy. still to this day ur throwin challenges at me. but its gettin to the point where its no longer fun or cute its makin me want to give up on u. im startin to think you dont even care about us anymore..if there even is an "us". like u just wanna give up and leave. go ahead. this is a 2 person relationship not a 1 person relationship. so if u dont care about me and u anymore then jus let me know..im not gonna be in this by myself...as much as i love you, i cant do it anymore...

Eventually I'll Learn...

So...I have recently discovered that I am EXTREMELY infatuated with this cheerleader from Spackenkill...I like her a lot..I like her so much I'd stop talking to all the girls I do now and just be with her.She just seems so perfect and so girlfriend material. I don't know why I like her so much, but it is what it is. And I've realized I do this ALL the time..I put girls I barely know on pedestals and then when I get to REALLY know them they turn out to be NOTHING like what I expected, then I no longer want them. Now, that may be a asshole move but I don't care, I'm looking for the girl that's right for me and won't settle for less.

Anyway, I've noticed this problem of mine the hard way...through "heartbreaks" but I don't know why I do this, maybe it's because I want find the right one and I'm just trying to make any girl her. Or maybe because I want to just rush into being in a relationship and so once I find a girl I slightly like I want to be with her.

The thing is, you can't live life like this...falling for every pretty face that you encounter that seems like "the one". You just have to chill, lay back and wait...the right one will come and find you when the time is right.

I have yet to figure this out for myself...
But until then GO SPACKENKILL!!! haha

♥

Everyone would always say there's always Room for Improvement, but then i met you. Now I'm just looking into the future waiting for the Comeback Season until then, I'm So Far Gone, but don't worry it's all for a reason. Eventually you'll Thank Me Later...<3

Lil' Wayne Said It Best

"Cause we like her
And we like her too
And we like her
And we like her too
And we like her
And we like her too
And we like her
And she like us too

I wish I could fuck every girl in the world
I wish I could fuck every girl in the world
I wish I could fuck every girl in the world"


This song is so true!!!!!
But i don't see it in a sexual way.
I don't see it as "I wish I could fuck every girl" I see it as "I wish I could be with every girl." Because that's exactly how i feel...that i could be with every girl in the world. Well all the good looking ones anyway...not to sound shallow. Anyway, I want to be with every girl for emotional reasons as well as some other reasons because there's not one single girl that can provide everything, there's certain things that some girls can offer and others can't, because no girl is perfect. Like if you have a chill girlfriend and you like her a lot but you like girls that get their hair and nails done but she's too chill for that, assed out.Other examples, say you have a laid-back kind of girlfriend...but tonight you want to go clubbing...your assed out she wouldn't want to go.You have a nerd girlfriend and you have tickets to the Knicks' game but she has no idea what your talking about..she doesn't even know what basketball is,assed out.Or if you have a punk rock kind of girlfriend but you want to go to a Jay-Z concert once again your assed out.Maybe you have a goodie goodie two shoes girlfriend but you feel like smoking weed tonight and getting drunk..ASSED OUT!



I feel like theres not just one girl that can satisfy all my needs. Because there's gonna be times when you want the laid-back kind of girl but then your gonna want the girly girl, then your gonna want the smart girl, then your gonna want the hipster girl and so on cause lets face it there's NO one girl with all those qualities. I just feel as if I want to take a million girls personalities and take bits and pieces of them and make my own girl to my liking. Now, I know that's impossible but there's nothing wrong with wishful thinking which is the basic theme of this song.

Anti-social?

Chris- "Yo, I love how we them niggas"
Me- " Fuck you mean, not me, I wish I was one of them niggas...girls don't like me haha.. they think I'm weird haha"
Chris-"HAHA!Your not social...of course girls think your weird...you walk around like your about to kill someone"


Pshh...I really give two shits what these people think about me...cause at the end of the day I'ma still do me. I mean yeah, I'm weird..but that's me, I'm just being myself. I'd rather not be social and be myself than be fake and have all the friends in the world.Also another reason is I really hate people and everything they do, that's why I mainly fuck with 5 niggas Chris, Josh, Darius Jalen and Stefan.(no particular order). Theres others i fuck with too though.But back to what i was saying...I DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!!!!!!! I'm not gonna kno NONE of these people in 10 years..so it dont even matter.Anti-social, social, weird, normal, fly, bummy, happy,suicidal...doesnt matter what you think i am..i STILL bag bitches...not to sound cocky but it is what it is.

P.S. But just for shit I'll see if i can change... and be more social haha.

Gettin' Shit Off My Chest

Alright well I'm new to this, its my first blog so...
I just have to get this off my chest...
Well..to all those who hate who i am and what i do..i can only be me. I do me because at the end of the day, no one else is gonna look out for me, or do me how I would do me. I don't need friends and I definitely don't need a girlfriend to make me happy. I'm better off by myself.All this "Oh I Fuck Wit You, You My Son..." BULLSHIT! I aint cool wit nobody, don't wanna be cool wit nobody. I may speak outta respect, but that dont mean that we friends. And to everybody running they mouth about me u can SUCK MY DICK, just know at the end of the day..I'm better than you and I CAN take ur girl, so DONT fuck wit me. All this talking about me behind my back then smile in my face...FUCK YOU! If you got the heart to say something while I'm not around, have the heart to take the heat for it when I confront you. It's '09 & I'm playing NO games.